FEAR THAT WHAT YOU CANNOT COMPREH....AHHHH FUCK IT

Have the months gone by with you saying, "Hey wasn't there the most amazing fucking web log in the world called Torturetown, USA that truly and that made me feel like what it is like to be pwnd?" Because if you have, then something is really wrong with you, since in all likelyhood you were looking for sheep porn. Faggot.

The point is, Torturetown, USA, is coming hard. Like Peter North on some fucking beezy, we're going to blow our load with great furious anger. Or excitement. Or...something.

What I'm really trying to say is that FearNET's plethora of shoddy horror movies is surprisingly lacking. Which means it's time to expand our (i.e. me and Fearmongoloid's) horizons.

What I'm double trying to say is I just bought a Netflix account, so we can watch as many shoddy horror movies as we damn please.

Let the Torturetowning begin.

Sleepwalking is for your mother

Mmm, where to begin with Sleepwalkers...ah yes, the motherfucking. While the evil sleepwalkers of this film aren't actually very horrific, all the motherfucking in this movie at least gives you a weird, uncomfortable feeling in your stomach.

Sleepwalkers have decent powers I guess. They can go invisible, make sweet hot rods change color, and feed by very slowly sucking virgin souls from the mouth. Personally I would suck the soul from a different orifice. I mean, you gotta make sure its a virgin, right? am I right? guys? ...sigh. But those sweet powers are not really scary, at all. oooh, they look like tiger people in the mirror! oh no! Plus, one little kitty scratch is like getting stabbed in the face for a sleepwalker. pssh. pussies.

But the main problem for me was that this movie reeks a little too heavily of a stephen king book turned to film. Books turned to horror movies always suck, without fail.

The role of Clovis the cat nailed him the #3 spot on this list of horror movie kitties.
Not bad, little fella. Not bad. I gotta see Night of 1,000 Cats, by the way.

hoohAHs: -2. for inflicting me with incest makeout sessions but never getting the hot girl naked.
chimpsters: 4. maybe the incest helped out in this category.
Margarets: 4. mostly for the bloody dance scene at the end.
SandBerns: 3. yeah whatever

In conclusion, meh.