Greetings from a Middle American Torture Den!

Greetings chumps!
I'm another fearnet...fellow. Mongo may have gotten the props for the first couple of posts and deeming the criteria for ranking and what not, but I'll tell you outright what that fucking douche lacks: Chutzpah. Balls of brass. Gunga-dins. I actually have no idea what that means, but the point is there's more to fearnet than blood and boobs. There's a lot of heart and spirit, just like any other Middle American Torture Town. I'm going nowhere with this, I know, but bear with me. Fearnet isn't a way of life for us, it's a way of....shit, I guess it is a way of life. Needless to say our lives are lacking.

Anywho, Ulli Lommel's Cult Classic Blah Blah Blee Blah Black Dahlia is another reason why people shouldn't be allowed anywhere near computers. Give an idiot a damn Digicam and they think they're Michael Bay (that's two insults in one). Give an idiot access to the student version of iMovie and they think they can win the editing award for the Dipfuck Academy of Redardation and Crappy Editing. Give Ulli Lommel both of these and he made Black Dahlia. This movie would only be scary to autistic kids who are terrified of awful post production effects made on someone's MacBook.
MARGRETS: 5. Okay, you want to be a bloody massacre movie with blood, guts and ass rape everywhere, but don't give us Hitchcockian kill angles. You ain't fooling no one no how, Ulli. Don't insult my learning disabilities.
AHSSSSSSSSS: 3. Yeah there was tits. Will I pop one out to them? No, because I'm not gay.
CHIMPOS: 2. About as funny as a sad clown with leukemia on fire.
SANDRAS: .5. See comment about autistic kids.

In closing, if this movie was a hooker, I would pay it to stab itself with a rusty screwdriver.